The early aim of affair recovery is to process the affair: what happened? Couples begin to unpack the events of the affair. From the safety of the counseling setting, with the help and guidance of the therapist,  the couple begins to unpack the betrayal. The party engaged in the affair begins to reveal the hidden parts of the affair to the partner or spouse. Slowly and with great care and sensitivity, hidden aspects of the infidelity are revealed.

As the affair recovery progresses, the couple works to acknowledge the painful, challenging, and vulnerable feelings of the other. Also, during this phase, the couple begins to examine the question: how did we get here? In this phase, the couple looks back at the state of their relationship before the infidelity. This phase typically leads to new insights, deeper understanding, and great compassion for the other. Healing begins here.

In the final stage of affair recovery, the couple moves past the affair drama to restore connection. Re-establishing trust and safety helps the couple turn toward one another for soothing comfort and loving reassurance. In this stage, the couple grows more comfortable providing one another with loving reassurance and soothing comfort. They learn ways to mutually depend upon one another when complicated feelings and remnants of the betrayal resurface.